


Get So Lonely

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-02
Updated: 2003-12-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 10:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7637422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy gets so very lonely - and Orlando has the cure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get So Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

Dom is - how to put it politely? - crazy.

Somehow, I never know when he's serious or not.

Tonight, he grabbed Elijah around the waist, whirled him around, and tipped him down for a deep, theatrical kiss.

They're still going at it now.

The others are cheering them on.

I'm leaning against the bar, scotch in my hand, and for some reason, I just can't bring myself to smile.

Elijah is rather into it, I'm thinking. His hand is woven into Dom's hair, pulling and stroking and curling his fingers into the messy spikes. His other hand is holding his drink - a beer - in the air so that it wouldn't spill over.

Sean is snorting bubbles into his drink. But I suppose that's understandable when you could see Dom and Elijah's tongues sliding and wet and searching each other's mouths deeper and deeper and so so hungrily and - is that Dom's hand on Elijah's arse?

Why yes it is, and I shoot down the rest of my scotch before setting the glass gently on the bar counter. The ice cubes clink, and a huge cheer comes up behind me.

I suppose Dom and Elijah are finished with their little...display.

"Hey, Billy." Orlando's voice is soft and sudden, a hot breath tickling my ear. His hand is warm and comforting and slides up over my hip and under my shirt so that his fingers tickle my skin just above the edge of my trousers.

I turn my head slightly and give a small smile. "Hey, Orli."

"How you holding up, old man?"

My smile is wry. "The old man is holding up fine. How about you?"

"Me?" I don't know if he knows it, but his gaze flits across the room and for a second, he looks like the proverbial little match girl, standing outside in the snow, watching her dream through the window - her dream, without her in it. "Ah, I'm good." Dark eyes turn back to me. "Wanna dance?"

I know he's watching me when I glance at Dom, who's snuggled up with Sean now. "Sure."

Orlando just smiles, and he takes my hand, tugging gently. The music is unfamiliar to me, but I know it's hip-hop and Orlando is right up against me and I have to tilt my head up to look into his eyes.

His smile is just a little bit sad, and I know mine must be too. Fingertips press gently against the small of my back, and his other hand trails up my arm, up my neck, to rest against my jaw, just under my ear.

His thigh is between my legs and his hips are moving in time with the music as his thumb brushes my bottom lip gently.

My eyes fall shut as Orlando leans in and kisses my forehead. His lips remain - hot and cold all at the same time - and slide down to press kisses on my cheekbone so that he could feel the flutter of my lashes.

"Billy," Orlando says, and I whisper "yes?"

"Come home with me."

My hand is splayed on his chest, and I slide it up slowly. "I'm not the one you want."

"And I'm not the one you want." Orlando pulls back just slightly so he could gaze directly at me. "But don't you see, Billy?" he asks, as slides behind me so that he is wrapped around me and his voice speaks directly into my ear.

"See what?" I ask, somewhat breathily because he's doing wonderful things to me with his hands and his hips and the feel of his mouth right against the tip of my ear.

"I know what it's like. I know what it's like to be lonely. I know what it's like to want. I know what you think of at night, when you're alone at home." Orlando's voice is low, warm, and not in the least cajoling.

I don't answer. I can't.

"And I know you know as well. What it's like. For me."

"Orlando…"

"Come home with me."

And my eyes inadvertently seek out Dom and I see him sitting - just sitting - with a bottle of beer in one hand and his eyes meet mine across the room and they glitter in the darkness.

"Okay."

I know his eyes are on me when Orlando leads me out.

\---

The next day, five a.m. comes all too quickly and I'm sitting in Feet with a coffee and huge bags under my eyes. Dom is next to me, uncharacteristically quiet.

"Nice night yesterday, Bills?" he asks, looking at his hands.

"Uh."

"Had fun?"

"Uh."

"Me too."

Silence reigns and I know the Feet people are feeling uneasy at this new quiet. Even hungover, we usually have much more conversation than this.

There's music playing - one of Dom's CDs, and my coffee is irritatingly bitter.

"Hey, Billy?"

"Uh."

"What do you think of, uh, Lij?"

My ears perk up instantly at the name and Dom's mention of it. "Ug uh duh," I mutter, and take another sip of my rapidly cooling bitter-as-fuck coffee.

This day is just getting worse and worse.

A sick, twisting feeling is growing in my stomach and maybe it's because of the strange things Dom is saying this morning.

I glance over and Dom is biting on his lower lip, frowning, in deep contemplation. I don't like the feeling I have right now. Not one bit.

"So," he says, looking over at me. "Bar tonight with the hobbits and Orli?" There's a challenging gleam in his eyes.

I shrug, taking another sip of my coffee, now completely cold. "Uh."

\---

Dom grabs Sean, who chokes, and I sit, not even blinking as Dom kisses him.

Sean pushes him away, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "Yuck, Dom!" he exclaims. "No tongues allowed!"

Dom just grins cheekily, winking at Elijah, who slides closer, gazing coyly at him. "You're allowed tongues with me," Elijah says, and I grip my beer awfully tight.

Orlando's hand is on my thigh, and he squeezes lightly when Dom throws an arm around Elijah's shoulders and pulls him closer. "Oh really?" Dom says, grinning, and I look at Orlando.

He's staring to his right, purposely avoiding looking at the table. His hand slides up my thigh, and I shiver when he presses on a particularly sensitive nerve.

I don't realise I'm staring at Orlando until Sean says, "Billy?" in a strange voice and I whip my head around face him.

"Yeah?"

"You, er, alright?"

"Me? Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."

"Okay." But he looks uncertain.

Dom and Elijah are whispering to each other now, in low voices, so close to each other that I can't tell if their lips are touching or not.

"Orlando," I say, and I see Elijah's eyes dart towards me and then flick towards Orlando.

"Yes, love?" Orlando says, smiling brightly at me.

I lean close. "Come home with me," I say, voice rumbling from my chest.

His smile grows; he understands, and the both of us are putting on a show.

After all, we're professional actors.

"Sure," he says.

And that's that.

\---

I'm in the parking lot, just locking the door as Orlando ambles round the car and kisses me on the cheek, arm twining around my waist.

"Thanks, Billy," he says.

I look up at him. "No," I say. "Thank you."

He smiles and I know his heart must be hurting because mine sure as hell is. "I guess we're even."

"I guess."

A door slams and I turn to see Dom watching us with an unreadable expression. "Morning," he says.

The sky is still dark - the sun has yet to rise.

"Morning, Dom," Orlando says.

I could only stare.

We're in Feet now, five minutes later, and Orlando is in the Legolas-Aragorn trailer, waiting for Hair and Makeup.

"So. You and Orli?" Dom says.

"Er. What?"

"He's wearing your shirt."

"He is?" Because I tore the buttons off his last night in my furious need to claim him.

"Yeah."

"Oh. Well. You know."

Dom's eyes narrow. "No, I don't know. Care to enlighten me?"

I shrug. "What about you and Elijah?"

"What about us?"

I wave my hand vaguely. "You know. The kissing, the closeness."

"What are you trying to say, Billy."

"What do you think?"

"I don't know what you're thinking."

"It's not as if I know what you're thinking either."

"I'm thinking you and Orli got something going on."

"And I'm thinking you and Lij got something going on."

"Well we aren't."

I give him a look. "Of course. And neither are Orli and I."

"Sure as fuck you aren't." Dom's starting to look angry now, and I don't really know why. After all, I think bitterly, he's got Elijah. Unless he wants Orlando too.

Greedy motherfucker.

I take a deep breath, and I try not to lose that famous Scot temper.

"I saw you two leave together these two nights and he's wearing your shirt this morning," Dom says accusingly. "If you two aren't together, then…"

"Then what? Then what, Dom?" My voice is rising and by the Gods, I'm getting irritated. Being heartsick is already taking its toll on my nerves and I don't know what Dom's getting at and it's five a-fucking-m in the morning and I stayed up well past midnight last night with Orlando, slow tears forming tracks down both our faces as we fucked - FUCKED - yes, fucked, and I feel so drained that I am just in no mood to deal with Dom right now.

Not this Dom.

"Do you have a problem if Orli and I are fucking? Do you hate the fact that we're screwing each other's brains out? Well fuck it. Take him if you want him. Just don't go bothering me about it."

Dom's mouth is all pinched and thin and he says, "I don't have a problem."

I don't reply.

\---

Later, when we're in the trailer, resting our feet before taking off for the night, Elijah enters. "Hey Billy, hey Dom," he says, and sits on the makeup counter, swinging his feet just a little.

Dom glances at me before nodding at Elijah. "Hey, Lij, wanna club later?"

"Sure." He's lighting up, and exhales a thin stream of smoke.

"Just the two of us." Dom's eyes are hard as he looks directly at me. "Orli and Billy are…busy tonight."

I stare back, unblinking.

A slight hesitation, and then Elijah takes another deep drag of his clove cigarette. "Sure."

\---

I take Orlando that night, hard, fast, with barely any preparation before I ram myself into him.

He only clutches at the sheets, pushing back against me, clenching his jaw tight, welcoming the pain that only momentarily eclipses the pain in his heart.

Because that is how it is for me, too.

And as I feel my climax nearing, my eyes well up in tears and I swivel my hips just so, brushing Orlando's prostate, making him cry out and claw at the sheets, pulling them out from their neat, tucked in edges, and he turns his head slightly to gaze up at me.

"It's okay, Billy. It's okay."

And so I tip my head down as the tears fall and I push into him from that angle again and again and that's it, I'm coming, fingers bruising Orlando's hips as bite down hard on my bottom lip to draw blood and I reach down and a few quick strokes to Orlando and that's all he needs before he's coming too and he's sobbing now, only just a boy, and I smear my tears away and wipe his from his cheeks.

"Don't cry," I whisper.

"I'm alright," he says.

"No," I say. "But I hope you will be soon."

\---

I'm at a bar again, with the hobbits and Orlando and Dom is sitting next to me.

I wonder where Elijah is.

"Billy?" he says.

"Yeah?"

"I - I - are you with Orli?"

I sigh. "No, Dom, I'm not with Orli."

"But you…"

"It's a comfort thing," I say, and look away, taking a deep drink from my scotch.

I know Dom is frowning, just by the way he speaks. "A comfort thing?"

"Yeah." I shrug. "You know."

"No, I don't."

I still haven't looked at him yet, and I find now that I can't. "What about you and Lij? The real thing then?"

"Er. No. We were just playing."

"Pretty intense playing."

"We never - we never slept with each other or anything. It was just playing."

"Oh." I don't know what to say to that.

Silence.

"Hey, Billy?"

"Yeah?"

"Want to go back to my place for a movie?"

I shrug. "Sure."

As we pass the bar, Orlando grabs my arm. "Hey, won't make it tonight." He glances back at Elijah and is smiling when he faces me again.

I kiss him on the cheek, patting his arm. "Now you're alright."

"And you will be, too," he says, before pulling Dom in for a quick hug. "Bye, you two."

Dom looks at me. "Let's go now, yeah?"

"Yeah," I say.

\---

I don't know what's happened to us over the past few weeks. Me and Dom, I mean.

The only reason I could give myself is my own weakness. Giving into loneliness, letting my feelings for him affect me like this.

My own fault, I suppose. It's alright for Orlando, because he's still young. But for me, there's not much of an excuse.

Dom is sitting on the other end of the sofa, gripping his beer tightly, eyes trained on the screen.

I sigh.

Dom's gaze flits over. "So I guess Lij is with Orli now, huh?"

"I suppose." I'm happy for them, really. But just because Dom isn't with Elijah doesn't mean that he'd rather be with me.

"So. You and Orli was just a comfort thing?"

"Yeah."

His eyes dart over again before going quickly back to the movie. "You need comfort tonight?"

I turn and stare at him, incredulous, eyes open, mouth falling open, disbelieving. "Are you offering?" I manage to say.

He shrugs nonchalantly. "I'm up for it if you are."

And just like that, my heart breaks - because I know that this may be the only time for me to be close to him, and his casualness about it assures me that it will be nothing more.

I can't reject him anyway. Any part of him he gives, I'll take, no matter how much, how little, because that's just how love is.

\---

Dom is on his stomach before me and I'm trying my hardest not to hurt him but also trying not to show that I actually care.

I'm so wrapped up in keeping my emotions locked in that I don't notice Dom's tears until they're accompanied by quiet sobs.

I stop and lean down so that my chest is aligned with his smooth back and I whisper, "Dommie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he says, scrunching his eyes shut, hands curling into tight fists. "Nothing."

"Am I hurting you?"

"No."

"What's wrong?" I stroke some erratic spikes away from his temple and kiss him softly.

"I - I can't do this, Billy!" he wails suddenly, and my eyes go wide. Dom blinks his tears away, yet more come to take their place.

I pull out of him as gently as possible and lay next to him.

Now is not the time for sex.

"Do what?"

"This!" He rolls over just a little bit so that he could look at me more easily. "I can't do this, Billy," he sobs, and I feel wretched - utterly wretched, taking advantage of him like this.

"Hush, Dom, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry…" I reach out and stroke his side, slowly, comfortingly.

"No, not that, Billy. I'm sorry - I'm sorry - because I can't stand that you'll only be this close to me when I offer myself to you as comfort."

"Oh, Dom," I say, my chest contracting with sudden pain. "You should have told me, I never would have…"

He shakes his head. "No. No, Billy, you don't understand. I love you - so, so much - and I thought that the only way to be with you was if I replaced Orli as your comfort. But I can't - I can't - because I love you, Billy - love you so much - and it hurts here," he presses his hand against his chest, right above his heart, "it hurts here so much when you're with me because I know you can never be mine and that's why I cry, Billy, that's why I cry."

"Oh, Dommie," I say, reaching out to wipe the tears from his face. "Don't cry, Dommie. I love you."

He shakes his head again and sobs harder. "Don't, Billy, just don't."

"Dommie, I love you. I love you." I cuddle him close, resting his head against my chest, just against my neck - a perfect fit.

Dom quietens, but I still feel the tears against my skin.

"I love you, Dom. I love you."

"Don't," he whispers weakly. "Don't."

"I love you."

"Comfort…"

"I love you."

"…is all you want…"

"I love you."

"Don't."

"I love you."

"Please."

"Dom. I love you. Believe me. Because I was stupid and jealous and heartsick. Forgive me."

Dom pulls away. "Billy…"

"Forgive me."

He holds me close now. "I'm sorry, Billy." He kisses my temple. "I love you."

\---

_Fin_  



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